Painless by Devon Hartford

Author:Devon Hartford [Hartford, Devon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: New Adult, Coming of Age, Contemporary, College, Romantic Comedy, Romance, Art
Publisher: Devon Hartford
Published: 2014-01-30T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

SAMANTHA

The warm spring weather was perfect in contrast to my mood. I sat outside at one of the tables at the Student Center with Madison, Romeo and Kamiko. We were all eating fish tacos for lunch.

“I’m screwed, you guys,” I sighed.

"You say that like it’s a problem,” Romeo quipped. “In my world, getting screwed is the most desirable outcome of any encounter.”

“Even if Tiffany Kingston-Whitehouse is the one doing the screwing?” I asked skeptically.

“Now that you mention it, I always suspected that girl had a dick,” Romeo cackled.

“She’s way too much of a bitch to be a man or have a penis,” Kamiko said as she dipped a tortilla chip in her salsa.

“Female dogs everywhere are cringing because we’re comparing them to Tiffany,” Madison giggled.

“Maybe we could compare Tiffany to toxic waste or puppy murderers,” Romeo suggested.

“Don’t kill any puppies!” Kamiko pleaded.

Romeo frowned at her. “How is it that me saying ‘puppy murderers’ means it has actually happened? What, did a puppy somewhere in the world just die because I said it?”

“I don’t know,” Kamiko said sheepishly, “just don’t say it.”

Romeo rolled his eyes, “You’ve been watching way too many cartoons, darling.” He took a bite of his fish taco.

I sipped my iced tea, “What am I going to do, you guys? I can’t even find a math tutoring job. There’s no jobs anywhere right now. And, until my case with Tiffany goes up for review in front of SDU’s academic tribunal, Career Services won’t give me another on-campus job. I’m tainted goods.”

“Have you tried looking for work as a sex slave?” Romeo asked.

“Who wants a tainted sex slave?” Madison joked.

I glared at her, “Thanks a lot, Mads.”

She smiled, “Do you really want to work as a sex slave?”

“If the pay is good, I’ll do anything,” I sighed. “But I already checked the sex slave want ads. All the sex slave masters are looking for someone with experience.”

“Slave experience, or sex experience?” Romeo asked innocently.

“I’m assuming both,” I joked. “Most of the ads mentioned ball gag and whip experience. I’ve never used either.”

“If you need any pointers,” Romeo said, “let me know.”

“Yeah, Sam,” Kamiko smiled, “if you need practice whipping someone’s ass, I can demonstrate for you on Romeo.”

“Is it just me,” Romeo smirked, “or would Kamiko make a good dominatrix?”

I looked at Kamiko, who had her hands in her lap while leaning over her drink cup, which was sitting on the table, while she sucked on her drink straw. She looked like a little kid. The only thing missing was a twirly crazy straw. I said, “Maybe a cartoon dominatrix.”

“Butter lettuce?” Romeo said to Kamiko suggestively, like he was trying to seduce her. “Locally grown?”

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

Neither was Madison.

“You mean the butter lettuce party?” Kamiko asked. “Those weren’t dominatrices. Those were male stripper unicorns.”

“DominatriCEES?” Romeo enunciated forcefully. “When did you become Ms. Dictionary, Kamiko?” Romeo asked skeptically, as if Kamiko’s word pronunciation was weirder than male stripper unicorns.

I was so lost.

“Yes,” Kamiko said, “dominatrices is the primary spelling for the plural version of the word.

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